You Have to Get Comfortable Being the Villain

Breaking your people pleasing habits won't be easy...or comfortable.

Photo by Vitaliy Shevchenko on Unsplash

How comfortable are you with being the villain? Does it roll off your back when people are angry with you? What about when they’re disappointed? Are you cool as a cat with the silent treatment? Or does someone’s displeasure set your teeth on edge?

For the people pleaser in recovery, letting people down feels like a death sentence.

When you learn to put other people before yourself, it can become an unhealthy pattern of always needing to play the hero. That’s the trap of the human doormat. They believe they are doing right by others while they engage in repeated self-denial.

How does that pattern stop? Through a baptism by fire. For the consummate people pleasers to make space for themselves in their lives and relationships, they have to be comfortable putting on the mask of a villain.

Becoming the good guy in your life may mean becoming the bad guy in someone else’s.

Changing our lives after years of trauma or minimization is tough. Not only do we have to change how we think and react to things, but survivors also have to change their relationships with others. Their core behaviors must shift to hold space for their boundaries, needs, and desires.

It’s a hard road to walk. The people we surround ourselves with before the healing journey enjoy the perks that come with our damaged parts.