Who Was Your Narcissistic Parent Performing For?

And why did it matter so much?

Photo by Kyle Head on Unsplash

Being raised in a narcissistic family is a bit like being cast in stage production. Everyone has their role and their places. They know their lines by heart and can anticipate what their “audience” wants to see. It’s a little different at the top, however, where the head narcissist in charge (a parent, maybe both parents, a grandparent, etc.) operates as the writer, director, and star performer all in one.

That’s certainly what it felt like growing up in my family. It was all about appearances. Life was literally rotting and crumbling apart on the inside (just check out my personal essays on my childhood if you need a reminder) but the facade rarely slipped…or so they thought. My mother was particularly bad about this. “What will people think,” was one of her favorite retorts, and she often reminded me how everything from my hair to my clothing reflected on her as a parent.

Narcissistic parents run the show, and they run it all according to the fantasy they are trying to create for their audience. That’s why no matter how dark it gets on the inside, now matter how bad the narcissist themself may be suffering, they will always keep the fantasy alive. And it’s not just their fantasy, either. Whatever image the narcissist has decided to portray - whatever performance they are trying to create - they will demand that their family fall in line an reinforce the fantasy.