We'd All Be Better Off If We Were More Realistic About Motherhood

Mothers would especially benefit from more real-world honesty.

Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash

I have never been secretive about my choice not to be a mother, nor have I ever lied about why I made the choice. The product of a dysfunctional home and an even more dysfunctional woman, I knew that the path of motherhood would be pure disaster for me and any child unlucky enough to get stuck on it with me.

That’s because I am one of those people who has been on the flip side of the mythical, magical motherhood coin. Always painted as a loving and care-filled experience, I am one of those children who got the opposite “fairy tale” upbringing.

In the years of healing I’ve done since, I’ve realized that both my mother and I would have been better served had we not been sold that delusional ideal of motherhood. Had we not been sold the idea that every mother-child bond is pseudo-spiritual and special, perhaps we both could have had an easier time with one another.

Because the truth is that delusional motherhood standards got in the way of us both. For my mother, it created pressures that only compounded illness and unhinged behaviors. And for me, it’s led to a lifetime of confusion and deciphering realities that were denied to me.

Looking at my experiences with my mother and how hard it has been to heal in the wake of her death (both internally and externally, in a society that doesn’t like to hear tough truths) - it’s easy to see that we’d all be better served with more realistic visions of motherhood and the mother as a human being.