There Is No Such Thing As a "Perfect" Relationship

But somewhere in the middle there is you and your ideal.

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

One thing I love about my job as a coach is the ability to branch out. Half the time, I’m helping the adult children of narcissistic find themselves again. The other half of the time, I get to help people on a path to achieving their personal goals reconfigure what their ideal relationship looks like (both with others and the world).

The ones who come to me with their relationships in shambles are usually guilty of a couple of sins themselves. Namely, they haven’t set the *right* boundaries, and they have unrealistic views of what they want their relationships to be. Until the fog recedes, you can’t build that mountaintop castle.

Changing their relationships usually starts by changing how they see those relationships, how they value them. When you get to the bottom of what really matters, you see a different way to coexist with the people in your life who matter.

Maybe that’s where you’re at too.

Have you struggled with your marriage? With your partner? Do you find it hard to maintain friendships? Are you always burning bridges and cutting ties? If you answer yes to any of the above, then it could be time for you to reconfigure too. What do relationships mean to you? Are you looking for perfect when you should be setting your sights on ideal?

What the best relationships look like.

I blame movies and music, and the fairy tales and urban myths of childhood, for the mess that we find ourselves in now. That’s where so many of our earliest misconceptions take root. Instead of being shown what a good relationship looks like, we were fed fantasy. Love at first sight makes life easy. Love can conquer all.

It’s a comforting dream to slip into, but it is a dream nonetheless.