The Narcissist In Your Life Needs You to Fail

It's a game of averages.

Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

I remember being wildly confused as a kid. All the time. 24/7. Back in those days, I was more likely to listen to what my family told me. I had the whole playbook down. Get the best grades. Get into a good school. Get a flashy job. Yet, the more I strived to do that, however, the worse things seemed to get - between me and my narcissistic mother.

The first time I realized what I was really dealing with was my senior year. There were several senior events organized throughout the year, and a few of them required getting dressed up and having a “jazzy” night out. Each time one of these events came up, my mother and I would get into a knock-down, drag-out fight. Screaming, door slamming, threats, name-calling. It went all the way up to the day of graduation, which saw me crying for a good, solid hour after a blowout with my mother over some imperceptible crime I had committed.

I was starting to understand the pattern for myself the first time that year. My mother’s envy. She hated when I got the good grades and got awarded for them. She hated when I got into a school, got a scholarship, won a national debate challenge, got into the local papers, became a vice president of an extracurricular club, or was named the captain of the soccer team. With every triumph came a confusing mix of pride and punishment. She would smile and applaud me, then turn around and scream at me, call me every name in the book, and reinforce the idea that I didn’t deserve or didn’t work hard enough for any of the things I had achieved.