The Best Trauma-Informed Self-Care for Neurodivergent Trauma Survivors
If you're a neurodivergent survivor you have to change the way you self-care.
I was a long-time devotee to therapy for my childhood and adoption trauma. For years, I sat in chairs across from therapists and had encounters both good and bad. From a therapist calling me a nihilist for not wanting children, to another who told me I was too “self-aware,” I saw it all and I tried it all. After years, however, I realized I wasn’t getting the desired effects. Why?
I did the work. I showed up. I changed myself. I learned, learned, and re-learned who I was and what it meant to be the person I wanted to become. Yet I still felt panicked all the time. I felt hopeless and overwhelmed.
The reality, I later discovered, was that I was a neurodivergent person.
I won’t bore you with a vellum scroll of titles that, frankly, aren’t really your concern. Suffice it to say this — there was a reason all that therapy didn’t feel (physically) like it had worked. That reason was that my *nervous system* was wired differently, which had changed the way it sustained damage from over a decade of childhood trauma.
That’s right. There’s a big difference between a neurotypical trauma survivor and a neurodivergent trauma survivor. Those differences are down to core physical levels, and that shapes the way both are able to repair their nervous systems and regulate their emotional responses to the stressors of life.
Once I understood those differences, my healing fast-tracked, and I was soon able to navigate anxiety, *my* depression, and some of the worst symptoms that came with CPTSD and my extremely dysregulated, damaged, and dysfunctional nervous system.
Are you a neurodivergent person too? Then your struggle to “heal” may come down to adopting the approach that actually accommodates your needs.
The neurodivergent nervous system is wired differently.
Unlike the neurotypical nervous system, the nervous systems of neurodivergent people (specifically, for this article, those with ADHD, ASD, and AuDHD) are incredibly sensitive. That means that it processes a lot more information than your average neurotypical brain. For the neurodivergent person, being alive can be (at times) a sensory nightmare.
But that’s not the crux of the true differences, or why trauma recovery is so much harder for those who sit at certain points in the neurodivergent spectrum.
The true differences come down to the “window of tolerance” or the way in which the different parts of the neurodivergent nervous system work together. When you’re neurodivergent, these processes tend to be more “rigid” and that can make it hard for the different underlying parts of the nervous system to work well together.
You can think of it a bit like this.
Neurotypical people get a new car when they come into the world. It’s shiny and new. The electrics work seamlessly with the combustion elements. All the oils and fuels are balanced and ready to get that neurotypical person on the road.
But neurodivergent people get a bit of a jalopy (in terms of their nervous systems).
The neurodivergent person comes into the world with a banged-up beater of the nervous system. There’s no oil in the engine, or not enough. The shocks on the car are gone. As the neurodivergent person moves through life, rolling through potholes and accidents, they feel every single bump in the road right down to their bones.
Things start to break before they even know how to drive the car. While the neurotypical person sails down the road, the neurodivergent person breaks down and gets made to pull over. They are miles behind their neurotypical peer before they even get out of high school.
It’s even worse if that neurodivergent person is exposed to a lot of trauma (which, most are).
They watch their neurotypical peers roll by as their parents set the inside of their vehicles on fire. Screaming matches. Being told they are lazy, too sensitive, not sensitive enough. Being hurt and blamed for being the way they are. All of these things stack up to do even more damage to that jalopy of a car the neurodivergent person is trying to learn to operate.
Neurodivergent people and neurotypical people are not wired the same, and it makes a substantial difference in their ability to navigate life and the experience of trauma.
The intersection of hypervigilance and overstimulation.
Being a traumatized neurodivergent person creates a perfect storm of chaos that easily derails everything the neurodivergent person is seeking to achieve. Their trauma leaves their delicate and hyper-sensitive nervous systems in a state of constant hypervigilance. At peace or not, the traumatized neurodivergent person’s brain is always scanning everything in its environment for threat patterns.
Being stuck in this state of hypervigilance raises their cortisol levels and creates excessive stress and anxiety that wears on the system. As if that weren’t bad enough, it wears down their “fuse” making them more susceptible to overstimulation.
What is overstimulation? It’s the bane of the neurodivergent experience, whether you have ADHD, ASD, or a combination of the two (AuDHD).
Overstimulation is essentially a sensory processing disorder.
That means that all the sensory information that is coming in — sight, smell, taste, sound, touch — is overwhelming the nervous system. Your nerves are throwing more information at the brain than it has the capacity to process. So, your brain panics. It shuts down and freaks out, and creates a sense of danger that the neurodivergent person has to “escape”.
It’s a vicious cycle that repeatedly harms neurodivergent trauma survivors of every type and caliber. Hypervigilance feeds into overstimulation, then come the meltdowns, explosions, self-sabotage, and complete burnout. (Note: Neurodivergent burnout is *extremely* different from neurotypical burnout.)
This cycle is one of the biggest challenges for neurodivergent survivors to overcome. For them to be able to take their peace in hand, they have to be able to take charge of their nervous systems and focus on rebuilding them in the healthiest and most practical way possible — with tools that work with the neurodivergent brain and body.
Trauma-informed self-care tips (that work) for neurodivergent survivors.
Ever-sensitive and painfully aware, there are some neurodivergent people who give up at this point. A nervous system that delicate? It seems like a mountain that’s impossible to climb. In reality, it’s not. By rooting themselves in reality and actively taking responsibility for the physical state of their nervous systems, neurodivergent people can use self-care to improve their quality of life.
1. Focus on neuroplasticity
There can be no talk of neurodivergent trauma recovery without talking about neuroplasticity. It’s the foundation on which all the rest of the healing must be done — emotional and otherwise. What is neuroplasticity?
In short, it’s the miraculous ability of your brain to form new connections and rewire itself (which can improve your emotional experiences, cognition, etc). Your brain can fundamentally repair itself, using 2 types of neuroplastic exercises: structural and functional.
For the most part, neurodivergent people benefit from focusing on the 1st type, structural neuroplasticity. This is, specifically, improving the brain’s function (and therefore the function of the rest of your nervous system) through learning and engagement.
To do this, neurodivergent people can focus on exercises and lifestyle adjustments like:
3-ball juggling (yes, seriously)
Memory recall games
Brain training exercises
Omega-3 rich diet
Regular movement/exercise
Get into your silly side and learn how to juggle. Even in those with traumatic brain injuries, this has been shown to improve brain function and increase grey matter. But similar results can be gained from increasing Omega-rich foods in your diet, regular movement (like dance or a gym routine), and even brain training and memory recall apps and exercises.
You need to focus on making your brain and the rest of your nervous system as *physically* healthy as possible. To do this, you have to give your neurons and synapses a chance to repair. Through exercises, get your somatic nervous system working in tandem with your autonomic nervous system so that your “window of tolerance” increases.
All of your experiences, too many to count, are processed through all those tricky little tends, fibers, and cords that make up your nervous system. Nourish them. Rebuild them. Make them healthy so that you aren’t fighting against the physical panic in your body while you try and heal the pain that still lingers in your heart and mind.
2. Limit sensory input
One of the greatest issues with neurodivergence — specifically that of ASD — is the sensory overwhelm that happens. Again, the nervous system of a neurodivergent person is usually highly sensitive. It’s easy to become overwhelmed and slide into a meltdown. So, for survivors to keep that “window of tolerance” wide, it’s crucial to limit sensory input where possible.
Make safe spaces for yourself. Pockets of quiet and calm that you can access at regular intervals to give your nervous system a chance to “decompress”.
For those who have some extra cash, this may take the form of weekly (or monthly) visits to sensory-deprivation pods. Or it may be a matter of renting a cabin on a lake out of town.
Not everyone has the pockets for that kind of care, though. Especially when you consider the fact that combined unemployment and underemployment rates for autistic adults are thought to be as high as 85%. While an additional 30% of adults with ADHD are thought to be unemployed, with some 24% of them (in the U.S.) collecting some form of public aid.
If you don’t have access to sensory deprivation, quiet getaways, or any other means of getting *physically* out of stressful environments, then be creative. What is another way you can get at least 30 minutes of decompression time every week?
Busy moms might find the time to take a quick and quiet shower or bubble bath while the kids go to the park with a grandparent. If you’re a college student without a lot of cash, it may be a matter of finding your favorite quiet hiking spot or creating a do-not-disturb schedule with your roommate.
There’s no right or wrong way to go about it. The point is to find a way to create small pockets of environment that are quiet, peaceful, and filled with items that give you a sense of sensory comfort, stillness, joy, or peace. Wear your favorite clothes, create a cozy space, and enjoy recharging in a space that is wholly your own (even if only for a short time).
3. Make sensory accommodations
Not all sensory overwhelm is avoidable. Like it or not, those neurodivergent people who are (un)lucky enough to be high masking and “functioning” still have to be out and about in a world that is a lot to handle. Train stations. Post offices. Work parties. Grocery stores. Buses. School recitals. It can’t be avoided if that neurodivergent person wants to eat.
What’s to be done? These are unpredictable places where things like delays and upsets happen. How does a sensitive person navigate that?
By making accommodations for themselves. Even the simplest accommodations can result in big changes, and a larger window of tolerance to operate from.
To avoid the nuclear detonation that is simultaneous overstimulation and hypervigilance, give yourself sensory accommodations. What does that mean? It means finding a way to comfort your sensory inputs so that the information coming in isn’t so overwhelming.
You’ve probably already seen this done if you haven’t done it yourself (without realizing it). The most common example is the use of headphones. By cutting the sound input around you, you can help prevent sensory overwhelm and the meltdowns that come with all the extra noise that’s out in the world.
Fidget cubes are another great tool. They help to keep the mind’s focus where it needs to be while allowing the neurodivergent person to “fidget” with their hands. Sensory toys like fidget cubes limit excess input and provide manageable sensory input that is easier for the ND to process.
There are all kinds of sensory accommodations that you can make in order to ease your nervous system. Think of it as a preventative action, or “regular maintenance” on the car. By changing the oil and giving the car what it needs, you limit the opportunity for things to go wrong.
It’s the same here. By wearing comfortable clothes when you know you’re going to be in high-stress environments, or wearing headphones to limit sounds, you take the smallest possible step toward giving yourself a healthy chance.
4. Find a like-wired tribe
Social supports really are important for neurodivergent people. The huge number of comorbidities aside, neurodivergent people benefit from having social connections with which they can share their interests, experiences, needs, and questions.
The whole idea of like-minded friend groups? That doesn’t really matter as much to the neurodivergent person. Many of them are able to hold an array of complex and differing ideas and interests at the same time.
The real secret to success, as a neurodivergent person trying to create a village for themselves, is finding people who are like-wired. That means they have similar nervous systems and know what it is to move through life feeling overstimulated, hypervigilant, and on edge. They can empathize with who you are and who you’re growing into.
Finding fellow neurodivergent friends will make your life a lot easier. Not only will some of them share the same hyperfixations and interests, but they will also be able to see things from your point of view. They’ll understand when you’re just not there when you need to change plans when things spiral out of control.
Get out there and create a like-wired tribe for yourself. Make contact with your fellow neurodivergents. Start with your interests. What do you love to talk about? What do you love to do? Warhammer? DnD? Computer games? Programming? Ancient Egypt? Ancient Rome? Psychology?
Begin with your passions. Get involved in special interest groups and expand from there. Where does your curiosity drive you? Where do people with your wiring find help? Find support? Find each other? Go to those places where you feel most comfortable and at home.
As nice as it would be to talk ourselves out of our trauma, it’s not that easy for the neurodivergent person. That trauma rests deep, deep down in the nervous system, changing the physical structures of the brain and the way in which the different parts of the nervous system are able to work together.
For neurodivergent people to reach their ideal state of calm, peace, or success, they have to adopt practical self-care routines that help to cradle their highly delicate nervous systems.
Focus on neuroplasticity. Create safe, calming spaces in which your nervous system can decompress and “recharge”. The goal is to increase the window of tolerance, the ability of the different parts of your nervous system to work together. It’s a physical system, so nourish it like one and higher levels of comfort and peace can be achieved.
Is it a perfect formula? Of course not. The internal work of mind still must be accomplished. Adding this path to the journey, however, gives the neurodivergent person a fighting chance of standing fulfilled and accomplished in their own lives.
© E.B. Johnson 2024
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Very helpful. Great car analogy. I've found that a decent pair of noise-cancelling headphones is worth every penny. I don't step out of the house without them wrapped around my head. Thank you!