Get Out of the "Caretaker" Role If You Want a Better Relationship

Imbalance rarely leads to a happier place.

Photo by Mariela Ferbo on Unsplash

Every couple who’s been at it for more than a handful of years will know that feeling. One of you is strong-arming everything. When the kids have a meltdown, you’re there. Parent-teacher conferences, report cards, baking projects, all you. You’re probably the clean-up force when life’s many disasters come knocking on the front door. Breakups. Deaths. Getting fired from work. No matter what anyone is going through - you’re the one that holds your family up.

This dynamic happens. Some people are naturally stronger than others, some people have no option but to be the catch-all. It’s a different case when you’re in a committed relationship, though, whether that’s marriage or otherwise.

When you commit to another person, you commit to helping them go through life. That means being there when life gets emotionally tough, being present and strong so that they can be vulnerable and heal. Sadly, that’s not always the way our relationships work out. Sometimes, someone ends up shouldering more of the burden, but that imbalance can’t last forever. Not if you want a happy, healthy, growth-worthy partnership that matters.

Falling into the Caretaker Role

The harsh reality is that a *lot* of relationships go through emotional imbalance. Over time, things shift. One partner goes through a hard time and the other person steps up. This isn’t meant to last forever, but some partners forget to come back to work once their respite for grief or struggle is over. They learn to lean on their other half as the backbone of emotional strength, but that takes its toll on the person who gets thrust into that ultimate responsibility.